As a single person considering adopting alongside a full time job I had to consider how parenting and working was going to work. Whilst I was able to have time off work when a child came to live with me I knew I needed to return to work at some stage. For me part of that consideration was to consider a child who in adoption terms is  ‘older’ at the point they are placed and I was approved with a view to adopting a child over the age of 3, knowing that my child would go to school within the year full time and that would allow me to go back to work at least school hours. 

I had initially thought that adopting a girl or 2 girls would be best for me but my social worker brought round several profiles of boys who needed adoptive families which really made me think again. 'Could I imagine my life with a little boy?' One of those profiles was a little boy who went on to become my son. 

He was almost 4 when I got to know about him and was in foster care with his older brother for whom the plan was not adoption so that was an added complication for me to consider. Older children can have siblings with whom they may or may not need to be adopted  but either way it is important for children to stay in touch with their siblings longer term. We have photographs of when my son's brother came to visit our house so he could see where his brother was going to live. For me to have been able to get to know him whilst I was visiting my son was actually really helpful and helped me to talk about him meaningfully.   

My son was 4 when he moved in with me and nearly 5 when he was finally adopted. He was a fun, mischievous, very loving cuddly little boy  ….. and still is  -  at 16 he is just much bigger these days.     

I had many firsts with him – first day at school, first day visiting all those places I had wanted to take my child, first time he swam without aids and many others. I have learned what he likes to do, what he is good at and who he is. 

Some advantages of adopting an older child are that you know where they are up to developmentally and there can be less uncertainty. My son was in nursery and I was able to visit and talk about his level of achievement, social development, interaction with other children and meet the people who clearly loved to see him every day. His little character shone through and I knew this was a little boy I would grow to love even before I had met him. 

Older children often have memories of their past relationships and birth family members so there is no moment of telling them they are adopted just an ongoing story of reminiscing and keeping those people alive for them. That can be easier than introducing people that young children would have no memory of.       

Would I recommend adopting an older child ? 

Absolutely- I am this week a proud Mum of a child who succeeded in passing 8 GCSE’s, who has an aspiration to be a design engineer and who is an absolutely amazing person that I love spending time with (I am completely biased of course).  

Are there challenges ? 

Of course – parenting is a challenge and adoption brings an added dimension but there is help available if that’s needed and other adopters to talk to who understand. Being open with your adopted child about their past is essential and enables you to build emotional bridges with your child. We can laugh about what he inherited from his birth family and what he has learned from me. I have met my son’s birth parents again recently and we are clear he has two mum’s and both are important to him and that’s ok.